


La Douleur Exquise

by novasophia



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, F/M, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23075464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novasophia/pseuds/novasophia
Summary: "But I'm in so deepYou know I'm such a fool for youYou've got me wrapped around your finger"You're in love with your best friend and you don't know how to handle it
Relationships: Steve Harrington/Original Female Character(s), Steve Harrington/Reader, Steve Harrington/You
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	1. one

The day you realised you were in love with Steve Harrington, was too little too late. A crisp autumn day had enveloped you, and as you pulled the red front door shut you turned to Steve, sitting in his shiny new BMW. His fingers drummed the steering wheel, banging his head along to the music. When he saw you leave the house he grinned, leaning out the window.

“What do you think, y/n?” he hollered out across the lawn. His eyes were bright, and the obvious excitement on his face hit you like a ton of bricks. A small bead of sweat trickled down your spine, despite the cool weather – why was it so hard to respond? Your mouth was so dry, and your fingers twitched along the hem of your yellow sweater.

Steve’s gaze was still on you, expectantly waiting for an answer. _It’s a great car Steve_ , you thought. _By the way, I think I love you_. Swallowing your thoughts, you smiled as you reached the passenger door.

“She’s a real beauty, Steve,” you answered, sweeping your gaze over the maroon sedan, desperately trying to avoid Steve’s eyes. One look and you would be done for, you knew it.

Opening the passenger door, you shrugged your bag off your shoulder, settling into the fresh leather seat. “Pretty comfy too,” you smiled. “Your parents have really done you a solid this time, Harrington.”

“The least they could do, isn’t it,” Steve replied. Nodding in agreement, you turned to look out the window as Steve drove away from your house. Your heart was still thudding in your chest. _Since when did you love Steve? What had changed?_ The pair of you had always been good friends – your mother probably spent more time raising Steve than his own. He had been welcomed into your life with open arms, and you had been inseparable ever since. He would come with you to your Gran’s beach house over the summer, and you would spend hours on the beach, always losing track of time. You almost always got into some sort of trouble – you could hardly be blamed for using Mr Hedgeman’s empty pool for skating if he wasn’t there, right? Back in Hawkins, his popularity bloomed but he would always tug you along - he _needed you_. Only you understood how much his parents lack of interest hurt him.

And now here you were – a lifetime of history with Steve Harrington, to have it come down to this. Shuffling in your seat, you pulled the arms of your sweater down to cover your fingers.

“Everything okay?” Steve asked. You were normally a force of energy in the mornings, and Steve was surprised that you hadn’t entered the car blazing, itching to change the tape he had playing.

“Yeah, you know,” you replied, twisting the silver band on your index finger around. “Not into this cold weather,” you said with a smile, aware of Steve’s concern.

“Oh, tell me about it. If we could skip winter and go straight to summer I’d be a happy man,” Steve said, turning into the Hawkins High carpark. He pulled in next to Tommy H and Carol, and you sighed inwardly. After your moment of realisation this morning, the last thing you needed to see was Steve become _King Steve_ in front of his new friends.

“Steve, my man,” Tommy greeted, with a cigarette held limply in his lips. “Morning y/n. looking fine as always.”

“Hey guys,” you replied, pulling your bag over your shoulder. Tommy had a bad habit of making comments that made you shrivel in disgust.

“So,” Tommy started, “Have you put any moves down on the prude yet?” Tommy asked, with a devious grin. Steve chuckled and ran his hands through his hair.

“Hey man, I’m taking it easy. This is not one to be rushed,” Steve replied, matching Tommy’s grin.

“Wait – who’s the prude?” Carol interjected. “Not the Wheeler girl – what’s her name?”

“Her name is Nancy. And she’s not a prude, she’s just like, really smart,” Steve retorted.

“Whatever man. Good luck with that,” Carol scoffed. “I need to go to the bathroom. Y/n?”

Begrudgingly you followed Carol, weaving through the corridors until you reached the bathroom next to the gymnasium. This bathroom had better mirrors – they were full size – and you could have sworn they made everyone look slimmer. As if on cue, Nancy Wheeler waltzed into the bathroom with Barb at her side. From the corner of your eye, you saw Carol size Nancy up, evaluating whether or not she would make it with Steve. She was pretty, there was no denying that. A little demure, but you knew Steve would fall for that easy.

“So, I hear you’re seeing Harrington,” Carol announced as she turned sharply, a flurry of red hair.

Nancy glanced at Carol before calmly walking over to the mirror, pretending to fix her hair. You smiled lightly at her as she looked at your reflection in the mirror.

“It’s not anything, we’re just hanging out tonight after school,” she said softly. Your heart somersaulted in your chest as you realised that Steve had completely failed to mention any of this to you. Nancy had a calm expression on her face as she turned to face Carol. Carol leaned against the bathroom wall, lighting another cigarette as she eyed Nancy up and down. Grinning, she took a drag from the cigarette before replying to Nancy.

“Oh, it’s something, alright. King Steve can’t wait to get you alone,” Carol murmured as she brushed past Nancy and Barb, blowing her smoke in their faces as she passed.

You turned back to the mirror, untying your long hair from its messy bun. It was an unbrushed mess – your younger sister had spent so long in the bathroom this morning that you’d had to forego any sort of styling.

“Uh, y/n?” Nancy asked, her voice small after her interaction with Carol.

“What’s up?” you responded, adding a little mascara to your lashes to make up for the unruly hair.

“You and Steve are best friends… am I wasting my time?” Nancy asked meekly. Barb watched you, concern etched into her face. You turned to face her, tugging on your yellow sweater like you had been that morning. Your mind was racing – part of you wanted to tell her not to bother, especially if Tommy and Carol were involved. But you knew Steve – he was a good person, despite his questionable choice in friends.

“Steve’s a good guy. He’d be lucky to have you,” you answered honestly. Nancy sighed, immediately relaxed by your statement.

“Thanks, y/n.” Nancy offered you a kind smile, and you returned it, before she walked out of the bathroom, her arm tucked in with Barb’s.

Turning back to the mirror, you stared at your reflection. How could it be that the very day you realise you were in love with Steve, also happened to be the day you found out about his budding relationship with Nancy Wheeler, _of all people_. Nancy was lovely, and you had spent a fair amount of time together as children. None of that changed the fact that it felt like a huge kick in the teeth – you were _in love_ with him – did that not count for anything?

The day passed in a blur as you went from one class to the next, following other’s footsteps; staring mindlessly at your English textbook, before jotting down random notes in Biology. You watched Steve during lunch as he invited Nancy to sit at your table. Offering her a small smile, you finished the rest of your juice-box before leaving the table – your mother encouraged mental health days, and you had every intention of taking one for the rest of the day.

A light drizzle encompassed you as you walked home, but for once you enjoyed the dampness on your skin, even though it hadn’t come from ocean waves. The house was empty when you arrived home, and you went straight to your record collection, flipping through them until you came across the one that felt right. Lying on your bed, listening to Ella Fitzgerald sing _Angel Eyes_ , you fumbled through the wooden box your father had given you as a gift for your ninth birthday, searching for the packet of Marlboro Reds you kept there for ‘special occasions’. Lighting the cigarette, you lifted it to your lips, sighing as you inhaled. You classically weren’t a fan of cigarettes – or drinking for that matter – but you found yourself with a beer in hand at parties more often than not. Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes and you let out a muffled sob as the cigarette smoke caused you to cough. With the record still spinning, you finished the cigarette, putting it out on the windowsill. Sighing, you glared at the ceiling. _Why why why_ did it have to be Steve? Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath, falling asleep to the sound of Ella crooning.

You were woken by a loud rap on your bedroom door as it swung open, Steve smiling, glasses covering his eyes.

“y/l/n, what happened? You ditched after lunch.” Wiping the sleep from your eyes, you yawned groggily. Your thoughts ran amok in your head, and you found yourself grasping for a reasonable excuse.

“I… uh… girl problems. You know how it is,” you replied, one hand resting above your brow while the other gestured towards your body.

Steve’s eyes trailed along you – you hadn’t even taken off your dirty white converse in your haste to get into bed. You were certain you looked a right state – your jeans were still slightly damp from the rain, and your sweater had accepted the ash from your previous cigarette with a certain flourish.

“You need anything to help with that?” Steve asked, sitting down next to you and placing a hand on your shoulder. His touch sent waves of electricity coursing through your body, and your eyes snapped shut in fear of giving away any sort of emotion. “I’ve heard that these… girl problems can be quite trying, you know,” he continued with a smile, trying to lighten your mood.

“No, thanks. I’m good. Think I’ll just stay in tonight,” you replied.

Steve stood up and turned to face you, a look of excitement etched into his face.

“Great!” he exclaimed. “Well, not great that you aren’t well, but great that you might possibly give me some tips on how to woo Nancy later tonight.”

For a very real second, you thought you might vomit up your lunch from earlier that day. _Of course_ , Steve would ask you for help. You were his best friend. That’s what _friends_ do. Sitting up on your bed, you pulled your knees under your chin. The quilt your Gran had made you for your twelfth birthday was scrunched up under your feet.

“You’re King Steve,” you said, forcing a smile and a small laugh. “How could I possibly help you?”

Steve sat down next to you, smiling shyly.

“I don’t know, y/n. It just… I just really like her. What if she thinks I’m just an idiot jock?”

Laughing, you shoved Steve’s shoulder. “She won’t think that,” you replied. “Besides, she already asked me about you today. I told her you’re pretty alright,” you said with a grin.

“Hey!” Steve shouted, picking up your pillow and hitting you lightly. His hand caught your wrist as you tried to fight him off, and your breath hitched in your throat as he smiled – so blissfully unaware that you were dying inside. _I’m such a fool for you_ , you thought. How had you not realised? Steve noticed the change in your demeanour and put your wrist down, concern flooding his face.

“Y/n, come on. I can tell when something’s up,” he whispered. Your heart raced in your chest, eyes wide and hair a long, wild mess.

“I’m in love with you.” The world might have stopped spinning when the words left your mouth. You hadn’t meant to tell him like this – if at all. Your palms clammed up, throat dry as you choked on the words you could not take back. Steve blinked, completely taken aback by your declaration of love. He had not seen this coming – not now, not ever.

“Y/n…” Steve leapt off the bed and began pacing across your bedroom floor.

“Oh god…” you whispered. “Steve I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t mean to say it like that,” you muttered. The words were coming out in a heated jumble, and you weren’t even sure you knew what you were saying.

“Like that? How – when? When did this even happen?” he asked, arms raised in exasperation.

“It just… did. I just woke up and it was there,” you mumbled. You wished he would just leave, to let you cry and wallow in peace. Tears pricked at your eyes once again. Steve ran his hands through his hair, before sighing and resuming his spot next to you.

“Y/n, you’re my best friend. But I –” Steve started.

“No, don’t say it,” you said, voice swelling as the tears attempted to fall. “You should go, go and meet Nancy.” You glanced at Steve, eyes red and damp, with a small, but honest smile.

“She really likes you. I can tell,” you sniffled. “Y/n, I can’t leave you like this. Not now,” Steve replied.

“Yes, you can and you will. Please, just go,” you whispered, turning away from Steve to collapse into a ball, tugging your quilt over your shoulders. Steve sighed, before reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” he whispered. “Call me, if you need.” Your bedroom door closed softly behind Steve as he left your house. You heard him say goodbye to your mother, before the engine of his BMW revved, leaving your driveway.

Once you knew he was gone, your whole body wracked with sobs. You couldn’t even be mad – you knew he didn’t feel the same way, but you’d had to go and ruin what was potentially the best part of your life because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. Returning to your record collection, you restarted _Angel Eyes_ , intent on finishing the pack of Marlboro Reds. Your heart ached, your head hurt and you could swear that this hurt more than the time you’d broken your leg building your dream treehouse with Steve. It _definitely_ hurt more.

 _Such a fool_ , you thought, losing yourself in the smoky haze. It would be okay, eventually. Maybe not now – but maybe, hopefully, you would be able to look at Steve Harrington again without the heartbreaking feeling of longing crush through you. He has a way of lingering, you thought with a smile. In so deep, you took a deep breath before letting sleep wash over you.

_Excuse me while I disappear,_

_Angel eyes, angel eyes._


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Keep us together"

The weeks passed by as you and Steve found yourselves falling into a comfortably quiet routine. Things were not the same as before, and you doubted they ever would be. What used to be lazy Sunday afternoons at the Harrington’s pool turned into adventuring around Hawkins on your skateboard. Your original distaste for cigarettes had evaporated, and you often found yourself with a cigarette dangling from your lips as you skated around town, listening to your favourite mixtapes on your Walkman. Carol and Tina quickly became your closest friends – something that confused you just as much as it confused Steve. The two of you had spoken a few times since your untimely confession. It was always awkward and stilted, and with Nancy at Steve’s side you always wanted to make a swift exit. Carol and Tina were always there to comfort you – you lied, and told them the cause of your crushing heartbreak was a boy named Tobias you had met at your Gran’s beach house. ‘A right bastard,’ you had exclaimed, telling them the story of how Tobias had completely and utterly betrayed you. It was easier, in a way, to make up an alternative story – it almost helped you cope better.

You were weaving your way through Hawkins downtown, on your way to meet Carol and Tina at Benny’s diner. _Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo_ blasted in your ears, and you sang along with Rick Derringer’s lyrics lightly. The warm air felt good against your bare arms, long hair flowing wildly in the wind behind you. School had gone out a few hours earlier, and Spring Break was _finally_ here. You hadn’t made any plans, instead opting to hang around Hawkins with Carol and Tina – the three of you intent on having a week full of partying, drinking and talking boys. Carol and Tina specifically wanted to discuss the new hot rod at school – Billy Hargrove. Carol often seemed to get bored of her tumultuous relationship with Tommy and you knew she just wanted to flirt with Billy to get a little attention and a reaction from Tommy. Turning the corner on your board, you spotted Carol and Tina standing outside the diner, cigarettes in hand.

Turning off your Walkman, you picked your board up and joined them.

“Y/n, so nice you could finally make it,” Carol said, eyes rolling. “When are you going to get a real car and stop using that slab of wood?” she asked, inhaling sharply.

Raising your eyebrows at her, you shrugged. “Didn’t know it bothered you so much,” you retorted, a small smile on your face.

“Whatever. Let’s eat, I’m starving,” she said with exaggeration, pushing herself off the wall and stomping on her cigarette butt. Glancing at Tina with a knowing smile, you both followed her in. Carol strode to the far end of the diner, sitting in the corner booth. You slid into the seat across from her, resting your feet on your board.

“Can I take your order?” A petite, blonde girl wearing an apron emblazoned with BENNY’S stood in front of your booth, pen ready. The three of you recited your orders with precision – you _always_ got the same food.

Carol picked at her fingernails mindlessly as Tina chatted excitedly about her parents leaving for the weekend – another party was definitely on the cards.

The bell above the door jingled as it was pushed open, and Carol was broken out of her reverie as she glanced at the people who had just walked in. A devious grin spread across her face as she rested her hands on the table, leaning back in her chair. Too occupied in your fries and strawberry milkshake that had just turned up at your table, you didn’t bother turning around – it was likely just a poor freshman, bound to get picked on by Carol. You smiled to yourself, remembering all the times you would come here with Steve to debrief after a stressful day at school, or discuss the spontaneous activities of the night before. While you had wished you could avoid many of the places you used to go with Steve, Hawkins was far too small for that dream to become a reality. You’d had to suck it up quickly – you couldn’t exactly run out of the Hawk because he was on a date with Nancy now, could you?

“If it isn’t the two lovebirds,” Carol called out from across the diner. Without taking a glance, you knew she was talking about Nancy and Steve. Spluttering on your milkshake a little, your breathing suddenly became slightly more ragged and desperate. Carol waved the lovebirds over, gesturing for them to take a seat.

“Feel free to join us,” she said. “Tommy will be here soon, then we’re all going over to the junkyard,” Carol explained. Steve had a hand pressed to Nancy’s back and she turned to face him, resting an arm on his shoulder. After a silent moment between them, Nancy sat down next to you, moving close so Steve could fit in the booth. You sat silently, eating your fries as you listened to the girls discuss what to wear to Tina’s upcoming party. You were _so_ aware of Steve sitting to your left, silently listening just as you were.

“Y/n, what do you think?” Tina asked. You looked up, taken aback at the question. Your brows furrowed in confusion.

“Shall we make it a pool party?” Nancy asked, before Carol could step in with a rude comment.

Moving your feet along your board lightly, you nodded. “Yeah, I think that sounds perfect,” you answered with a smile, taking a sip from your milkshake. The door jingled again and this time you turned your head to see Tommy and Billy making their way over to your table. Tina moved from her seat to allow Tommy to slip in next to Carol, and Billy leaned over the side of the booth, resting his arms next to your shoulder.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Billy said with a smirk and a sparkle in his eye. 

“Hi, Billy,” you replied, rolling your eyes. He rested one hand on your shoulder as he leant over to grab a handful of your fries. You didn’t have to see Steve to feel the tension rolling off his body. Everybody else was oblivious to it, but to you it was clear as day – you knew him well enough to know when he didn’t like someone, and now was no exception.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, Harrington,” Billy teased. “Treating the princess to a romantic evening with this lot, are ya?”

Nancy shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and Steve turned to face Billy, brows furrowed in anger.

“Shove off, Hargrove,” you muttered. Billy turned his attention back to you, picking up a lock of your hair and spinning it in between his fingers. “Only since he’s your _best_ friend,” Billy replied, leaving his seat.

“I’ll see you at the junkyard tonight,” he called out as he left the diner, making sure to give the blonde waitress a once over as he left. Your heart surged as what Billy said sunk in. Everyone was aware that something happened between you and Steve – you can’t go from being inseparable to not being seen together without any consequence – however no one knew the real reason for your drift. The tension in the air was palpable, and you were not blind to everyone’s eyes flitting between you and Steve, curious for some sort of explanation. Leaning back in your seat, you scrambled for an excuse to get out of the diner. Within a matter of seconds your world had come crashing down once again, and the small, tight feeling you held close in your chest rammed into you with full force.

You looked up at Carol, doing your best to control your features before you spoke.

“I’m ready to head off, if you are,” you said, raising an eyebrow. Tommy nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, let’s move. I’m more than ready to smoke up,” he said as he followed Tina out of the booth, one arm wrapped around Carol’s waist. Steve and Nancy stood to leave the booth, and you tossed a few bills on the counter and collected your board before following them out.

“Y/n, what’s going on?” Steve called out to you. He was leaning against his BMW, arm wrapped around Nancy’s shoulder.

“We’re just going to hang at the junkyard. You know, the usual,” you replied, gesturing your hands in a shrugging motion.

“The usual since when?” Steve asked, his voice rising. He removed his arm from Nancy’s shoulder to stand in front of you.

“Christ Steve, I don’t know… It’s just a thing we do now,” you replied, one hand resting on your hip as the other clutched your board. You could feel beads of sweat forming on your back, and your denim shorts were starting to feel restricting due to the heat.

“A thing!? You’re smarter than that, y/n! And now everywhere you go, you’ve got a packet of Marlboro Reds in your pocket and _god knows_ what else on you!” Steve exclaimed, gesturing to the cigarette packet that was visible from the pocket of your shorts.

Nancy’s eyes widened as she realised what Steve was saying, and she reached forward to place an arm on his shoulder, trying to bring him back.

“Steve…” she whispered, glancing around the carpark. Carol, Tina and Tommy watched the commotion from the bonnet of Tommy’s car.

Anger evident on your face, you glared at Steve.

“What is your problem, Steve? Why do you _care_ what I do in my spare time?” you shouted, daring him to answer.

“We’re friends, y/n! I’m worried about you,” he replied with exasperation, hands on his hips.

Your body revolted in anger, unable to believe what he had said. Friends – as if! Granted, you knew that if you hadn’t of confessed how you truly felt back in November then maybe - _maybe_ – you would still be the same y/n and Steve. But he still would have chased Nancy. And you would have continued to love him blindly. You were both amicable to each other, but it was hard and you both knew there was no going back.

“We’re not friends anymore, Steve! We can’t be! It’s not going to work,” you cried out, hair flaming around you. “I can’t keep pretending like we are. I’m done.”

You spun around on your heel and stormed over to Tommy’s car, settling into the backseat.

“Y/n, please!” you heard Steve call.

Sighing, you sunk into the seat. “Can we please go?” you asked, not looking at Steve as he stared at you in frustration. Tommy started the car with haste, and took off in the direction of the junkyard.

* * *

Weeks turned into months as you and Steve avidly avoided each other after your argument outside Benny’s. Your relationship was so strained that you couldn’t actually recall the last time you spoke to each other. An altercation with Billy had led to a minor conversation at one of Tina’s parties back in June, but it was now the middle of December and you were both going out of your way to avoid one another. Steve had tried hard, at first, to make amends but after you made it clear you weren’t interested he backed right off, delving even deeper into the world that was Nancy Wheeler. The strangest thing was going to your Gran’s by yourself for the summer holidays – you’d spent the whole summer cruising around the beach by yourself, and caught yourself daydreaming more than once what it might have been like if Steve was there with you.

“Y/n, where are you?” your little sister called.

“Out back,” you yelled back into the house, stubbing your cigarette out onto the concrete step. The sun was beginning to set as a chill settled over the yard, and you pulled your grey sweater around your fingertips.

“Can you do my makeup?” your sister asked, smiling kindly at you. Standing up, you grinned at her, ruffling her hair.

“Of course, squirt. What time is the dance again?”

“6 o’clock,” she answered, darting through the house to get her hands on your makeup bag. Your parents had left town for the weekend, and while Tina and Carol had tried to convince you to have a party, you let them down gently. You’d promised your sister you’d help her get ready for the Snow Ball, and there was no way you were going to let her down.

The two of you sat cross-legged on your bedroom floor, Depeche Mode coming from your record player as you dusted some eyeshadow over your sister’s eyelids.

“Y/n?”

“Yes, y/s/n?” you replied, raising an eyebrow, brow pencil in your hand.

“Why aren’t you friends with Steve anymore?” Your sister looked at you with wide eyes, hands wrapped around her knees. Gulping, you averted your gaze, wanting to avoid her quizzical eyes.

“I saw him today, you know. He was with Dustin and Lucas again. He looked pretty weird. Dustin said that he’s heartbroken,” your sister continued, matter-of-factly. 

“Did you now,” you responded, faking a smile as you added some blush to her cheeks.

“I think Nancy broke up with him,” she said. “Will reckons she’s been hanging around with his brother, Jonathan.” This was true, you thought. Nancy had been spending a lot of time with Jonathan lately, much to the surprise of everyone at Hawkins High. You were well aware of the argument between the two of them back in November – the whole school knew about it – but you didn’t care to know anything further than that.

“I don’t know, y/s/n,” you replied, finishing the blush before trying to add a small pop of lipstick.

“Ugh, no,” she shrugged, swatting your lipstick-clad hand away. “Maybe you should talk to Steve and see how he is. He’s dropping Dustin off at the dance tonight.”

Giving her a pointed look, you began to question her actions.

“What’s brought all this Steve talk on, huh?”

“Oh, nothing. Dustin seems a little concerned, that’s all,” she announced as she got off the floor and went to fetch her dress from her bedroom. Your mind was pacing as you thought about what she had told you. Poor Steve.

“Here, all ready,” you sister announced as she stood in the doorway.

“Oh, y/s/n, all the boys are going to want to dance with you tonight,” you giggled, teasing her. Her brows furrowed as she glared at you.

“Alright, alright,” you grinned, slipping on your converse before grabbing the keys to your car. Fleetwood Mac filled the speakers as you started to drive, the streets quiet. You had saved all year for this car, and the only person more impressed than you were was Carol. It was a small, red Ford Escort that you’d bought off a family friend a few towns over. It had quickly become your favourite possession, although you made sure to always have your skateboard in the back for nostalgia’s sake. Humming along to _Don’t Stop,_ you pulled into the parking lot, rolling to a stop near the gymnasium entrance. You glanced at your sister, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“You ready, kid?” you asked, smiling gently at her.

Her eyes lit up as she turned to you, grin spreading across her face.

“Yes!” she exclaimed, pumping her hands on her thighs.

Undoing your seatbelt, you laughed as you opened the door.

“Alright, off you go. I’ll be here from nine-thirty, okay,” you called out as she made her way to the front door. She turned to wave, before ducking inside. Watching with a smile, you leaned against the bonnet, bringing a cigarette to your lips. Sighing, you thought back to your last Snow Ball with Steve. You had spent the entire night drinking juice and dancing, so much that your mother took you both home an hour early – not at all due to your green faces and queasy stomachs, you had thought. The voice of Christine McVie wound its way into your ears, still playing the tape inside your car.

“I wondered if I’d see you here,” a familiar voice called from behind you. Jumping off the bonnet, your cigarette dropped from your hand, searing into your denim jeans.

“Christ, Steve,” you whispered, holding a hand to your chest. Returning your attention to the cigarette, you ground it into the cement, making sure it was out.

Steve came closer, leaning lightly against the bonnet next to you. The pair of you hadn’t been this close since the day of your confession – over one _year_ ago. You were painfully aware of your current state – your hair was unbrushed and hung loosely down your back, your sweater the host of a coffee stain and your face completely untouched.

Thumbs twiddling in your lap, you glanced at Steve. It had been a long time since you had really taken him in. He looked older, more than the one year. What’s more, he looked _exhausted_. Whatever had happened between him and Nancy had clearly taken its toll. His hands were splayed out on the bonnet, index finger twitching to the music. Suddenly he glanced at you, eyes wide.

“Nancy and I broke up,” he said simply.

Confirming your earlier discussion with your sister, your mind took a blank. _What what what do I do_ you thought. Raising your eyes to his, you swallowed.

“Oh… oh Steve, I’m so sorry,” you replied honestly.

“S’okay.”

The two of you sat in silence – you were unsure if you should ask Steve what happened, Steve unsure if he should tell you.

“We broke up after Tina’s. I think… I think she’s dating Jonathan.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry Steve,” you whispered, cursing yourself internally for having no words to offer.

“Don’t be sorry. Not your fault,” he answered, facing you. “You could apologize for cutting me out, and for being such a shitty friend, though,” he offered.

Your shoulders hunched in defence, face quick to turn to a scowl.

“I’m not going to argue with you again, if that’s what you want,” you retorted, lighting a cigarette and inhaling.

“That’s not what I want either, I – you did though, y/n. You were supposed to be my best friend.”

A surge of anger ran through you as you leapt off the bonnet, turning to face Steve, inhaling again.

“What are you – I don’t,” you yelled, completely flustered. Taking a deep breath, you spoke again.

“Steve, you’re allowed to not want me. Fine, whatever. But I’m allowed to leave you – we aren’t obliged to stay together, not in circumstances like this!” Your eyes were wide, and you gulped as you processed Steve’s reaction.

“No, no you’re not! We _are_ best friends! We made a pact all the way back in kindergarten, when we first met, that we would be friends _forever,_ and _nothing_ would tear us apart!” Steve yelled, standing in front of you, his chest heaving. “I needed you, y/n – I always need you,” he said quietly.

You turned away, running your hands through your hair. The familiar chords of _The Chain_ began to play from your car and you sighed, focussing only on the music for a moment.

_And if you don’t love me now_

_You will never love me again_

A solitary tear fell as you turned to face Steve again.

“Look, Steve, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I told you I love you. I’m sorry that I _fell_ in love with you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t handle being around you, and I’m sorry that I abandoned you when you needed me. It’s just really fucking hard.”

Your hands were slick with sweat as you raised your eyes to meet his.

_I can still hear you saying you would_

_Never break the chain_

“Y/n, I love you,” Steve said earnestly.

“What – how dare you, Steve!? Don’t say that, Steve, don’t you _dare_ say things you don’t mean because you need a friend,” you cried, pushing him away. He grasped onto your wrist, holding you tightly.

“Y/n, please. I was stupid. I didn’t realise that I felt this way until that first day of Spring Break, when we argued at Benny’s. I hated myself for making you sad, and Nancy asked if something had happened. She guessed, she guessed what we fought over and she was so convinced I felt the same way about you she wanted to break up with me then and there.”

Tears sprung from your eyes, struggling to get out of Steve’s grip.

“Please, Steve, let me go –”

“Let me finish, please. No-one knew that we almost broke up. She knew I was in love with you then, and I convinced her otherwise. I was going to tell you, but you were with Hargrove that one time at that party and I was just so _angry_ that I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t do it.”

Steve’s thumbs ran circles over your wrists, as he gazed at you with desperate eyes.

“I love you, y/n. I’m so in love with you, and I’m an idiot for taking this long to figure it out,” he finished, taking a deep breath.

Your mind was racing and heart thudding as you looked at Steve. You knew, without a doubt, that he was telling the truth. Steve was a terrible liar, you could read him like a book.

“I don’t know, Steve,” you whispered, as he pulled you closer.

Gently he tilted your head towards his, hesitantly bringing his lips closer. Quietly, he pressed his lips to yours, one hand wrapped in your hair. Placing a hand on his hip, you pulled yourself closer. Waves of fear and excitement coursed through you, your body erupting.

Pulling away, you took a step back before glancing at Steve again.

“I can’t believe you waited over a year to do that,” you smiled.

“Neither can I,” he replied, tugging you close. “We’re never going to break that pact, y/n.”

“Oh, I know,” you said, grinning as Steve pressed his lips to your once more.

Sneaking outside the gymnasium, y/s/n and Dustin watched from afar.

“About fricking time,” Dustin muttered, offering your sister a high five. The two of them grinned at each other, dashing back into the dance to avoid being seen.

Steve pulled you close as you sat on the bonnet of your car, humming into your hair, fingers twirling the ends.

“Hope you’re worth the wait, Harrington,” you said, playing with his fingers.

“Oh, I will be,” Steve replied, grinning as he pressed a firm kiss to your forehead.

_Chains keep us together._


End file.
